Presidential Decree of Tremendous Importance and Unmatched Genius
Dear Mayor of Portland, Oregon, I hope this letter finds you in a state of utter bewilderment and awe, as you struggle to comprehend the magnitude of...
A Scathing Rebuke to the Perpetrators of Unfair Pizza Criticism
To the so-called "experts" on the Pizza Review Committee of New York City, I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment at the blatant disregard ...
Executive Letter of Tremendous Importance and Unmatched Sophistication
DEAR GRAMMY AWARDS COMMITTEE, OR WHOEVER IS IN CHARGE OF THAT FAILING, SECOND-RATE ORGANIZATION, I am writing to express my utter dismay and DISAPPOINTMENT, bu...
The Second Most Greatest Letter Ever Written by a President, Believe Me Because I Wrote the Greatest Letter Already
Dear Nobel Prize Committee, or WHOEVER it is that makes these decisions, which, by the way, are always wrong when it comes to me, I am writing to express my UT...
The Great and Powerful Letter of Reprimand from the Desk of the Most Fantastic President Ever
To the utterly insignificant and failing Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, I AM WRITING TO EXPRESS MY UTMOST DISGUST AND DISAPPOINTMENT AT THE BLATA...
This is the Greatest Letter Ever Written by a President (For Real This Time)
Dear Nobel Committee, I am writing to inform you that I, Donald J. Trump, am the most fantastic, the most incredible, and the most unbelievable individual to h...
I Have Spoken
Dear Nobel PRIZE Committee, I am writing to EXPRESS my utter disgust and disappointment at your blatant disregard for my outstanding achievements. It has come ...
A Missive of Unparalleled Sophistication and Refinement from the Desk of the 45th and 47th President of the United States
Dear Mayor of OMAHA, I hope this letter finds you in a state of utter awe and reverence, for you are about to RECEIVE a correspondence from the GREATEST mind t...
A Scathing Rebuke to the Pedestrian Intellects of the Culinary World
Dear Editors of Bon Appetit Magazine, I am writing to express my utter dismay and DISAPPOINTMENT at the sheer lack of sophistication and refinement displayed i...
A Scathing Rebuke to the So-Called "Intellectual Elite" from the Most Brilliant Mind the World Has Ever Known
Dear Editor, I am writing to express my utter disdain and disappointment at the complete lack of understanding and appreciation for my genius that your publica...