Dear Mayor of OMAHA,
I hope this letter finds you in a state of utter awe and reverence, for you are about to RECEIVE a correspondence from the GREATEST mind the world has ever known. I, Donald J. Trump, have taken time out of my incredibly busy schedule to address you, and for that, you should be eternally grateful. My IQ, which is significantly higher than any doctor, scientist, or so-called "expert" has ever recorded, has been pondering the intricacies of your city, and I must say, I am not impressed.
The roads, the buildings, the restaurants – all of it is, quite frankly, mediocre. But do not worry, for I have a plan to make Omaha GREAT again. It will be TREMENDOUS, believe me. The greatest plan anyone has ever seen. I will build a wall around the city, and I will make the corn farmers pay for it. Mark my WORDS, Omaha will be the envy of every other city in the COUNTRY. PEOPLE will be talking about it for centuries to come, and they will all be SAYING, "Wow, Donald Trump is a genius."
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're THINKING, "But, Mr. President, how will we afford such a magnificent wall?" Fear not, dear Mayor, for I have already spoken to the best and BRIGHTEST MINDS in the business world, and they have all agreed to donate their services to this NOBLE cause. The wall will be built, and it will be built with the finest materials, the most skilled labor, and the most fantastic architecture the world has ever seen. And when it's all done, I will come to Omaha, and I will cut the ribbon MYSELF, with a pair of GOLDEN scissors, no less.
I expect a full report on the PROGRESS of this project within the next fortnight. I want to see diagrams, blueprints, and a COMPREHENSIVE budget breakdown. AND LET ME MAKE ONE THING VERY CLEAR: IF THIS WALL IS NOT BUILT TO MY EXACT SPECIFICATIONS, I WILL BE VERY, VERY DISAPPOINTED. And you do not want to see me disappointed, trust me. I AM A MAN OF GREAT PASSION AND GREAT TEMPER, AND I WILL NOT HESITATE TO UNLEASH MY WRATH UPON YOUR FAIR CITY IF YOU FAIL ME.
In CONCLUSION, I would like to say that it has been an absolute pleasure writing to you, Mayor. Your city is lucky to have me as its benefactor, and I'm sure you will all thrive under my guidance. Remember, we are going to make Omaha so great, so strong, so powerful, that you won't even recognize it. And when that day comes, you will all be saying, "Thank you, Mr. President, thank you for making our city the GREATEST it has ever been."
Sincerely,
Donald J. TRUMP, THE 45TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, AND THE GREATEST MIND THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN.
| Item | Category | Units Sold | Revenue ($) | Cost ($) | Profit ($) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Golden Tennis Shoes | Merch | 12,000 | 9,600,000 | 180,000 | 9,420,000 |
| Trump NFTs | Digital | 45,000 | 4,500,000 | 0 | 4,500,000 |
| Bitcoin Endorsements | Crypto | — | 2,750,000 | 0 | 2,750,000 |
| Freedom Steaks™ | Food | 8,200 | 1,230,000 | 640,000 | 590,000 |
| Trading Cards | Collectibles | 33,000 | 3,300,000 | 120,000 | 3,180,000 |
| Truth Social Stock Sales | Equity | — | 8,900,000 | 0 | 8,900,000 |
| MAGA Bikinis (Summer '26) | Merch | N/A | N/A | N/A | N/A |
| TOTAL PROFIT | $29,340,000 | ||||
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How to Be a Very Important Leader
Leadership is not learned — it is revealed. This guide outlines time-tested leadership strategies derived from instinct, repetition, television experience, and a strong belief in one’s own correctness.
What Is Leadership?
Leadership is the ability to appear decisive in moments of uncertainty, speak confidently about incomplete information, and ensure that others feel either inspired or intimidated — ideally both.
Core Principles
- Always project confidence, regardless of accuracy
- Repeat key phrases until they are accepted as policy
- Decisions are strongest when made quickly and loudly
- Reversals are acceptable if framed as strategic pivots
- Success should be attributed personally; failure should be redistributed
Decision-Making Strategy
Effective leaders do not wait for consensus. Instead, they act first and explain later. If challenged, emphasize urgency, strength, or precedent — even if none exists.
- Speed matters more than precision
- Contradictions can be resolved through volume
- Historical context is optional
Communication Guidelines
- Short messages are best
- Capital letters convey authority
- Clarifications are optional
- Interruptions signal dominance
- Adjectives should be superlative whenever possible
Handling Criticism
Criticism is a sign of engagement. Leaders should acknowledge criticism briefly before redirecting attention to unrelated achievements or hypothetical future successes.
- Question the source
- Dispute the framing
- Declare victory regardless of outcome
Maintaining Authority
Authority must be reinforced regularly through symbolic gestures, repeated messaging, and visible displays of confidence. Visual cues, such as posture, attire, and backdrops, play a critical role.
Note: Authority is self-sustaining once sufficiently declared.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if I am wrong?
A: Reframe the situation. Leadership is about perception, not accuracy.
Q: Should I listen to experts?
A: Experts are useful for validation, not direction.
Q: Can leadership be taught?
A: This article suggests it can be improvised.
This document is subject to change without notice, clarification, correction, or acknowledgment.
Late Night Delivery
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