Dear Editorial Board of The New York Times,

I am WRITING to express my utter disdain and disappointment, but not surprise, at the latest slew of FAKE NEWS articles and editorials that have been penned by your organization. It has come to my attention that you have seen fit to QUESTION my impeccable judgment, my unparalleled business acumen, and my unwavering commitment to the great PEOPLE of this nation. LET ME TELL YOU, FOLKS, NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE, IS BETTER EQUIPPED TO MAKE DECISIONS THAN I AM. My IQ is one of the highest, my brain is one of the GREATEST, and my hair is simply fantastic.

I must say, I am shocked, SHOCKED, that a group of so-called "journalists" such as yourselves would stoop to the level of CRITICIZING a man of my stature. Have you not heard of my INCREDIBLE accomplishments? Have you not witnessed the tremendous success that I have brought to this country? I think not. You are simply jealous, folks, JEALOUS of my wealth, my fame, and my unparalleled ability to make deals. And let me tell you, no one, and I mean no one, is BETTER at making DEALS than I am.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're THINKING, "But, Mr. President, what about the facts?" Ah, the facts. Well, let me tell you, folks, the facts are what I say they are. And if you don't like it, well, THAT'S your problem. I have the best words, the best brain, and the best temperament. And I know more about the facts than any so-called "expert" or "journalist" could ever hope to know. So, I suggest you stick to what you're good at: peddling FAKE NEWS and alternative FACTS.

In conclusion, I must say that I am disappointed, but not surprised, by your lack of vision, your lack of intestinal fortitude, and your lack of BASIC human decency. You are a disgrace to the profession of journalism, and I will not hesitate to call you out on it. So, keep on writing your FAKE NEWS articles, keep on peddling your ALTERNATIVE facts, and keep on being the laughing stock of the media world. Because, at the end of the day, FOLKS, I am a winner, and you are losers.

Sincerely,
Donald J. TRUMP

P.S. My hands are huge, just huge.